A Roller Coaster Ride

I always thought that whatever problems we had, my wife and I would work them out. Our eight years of marriage has been a roller coaster ride of the biggest highs and the lowest lows. We fight and then make up. This has been our life. She suddenly wants a divorce but I do not understand why. Nothing is different today than it was last week. I do not even know where to begin in making sense of her behavior. Can you help me?

Perhaps she is ready to step off the “roller coaster ride” that you have called your life together for the past 8 years. This must be difficult for you and yet it appears to be an opportunity. Often times the partner that has made a different choice for themselves allows the other partner to reconsider the patterns that have been created in the  relationship. I have always believed that in any relationship, someone must make the first move in order for the door for change to open. This could be a perfect time for you to begin considering what has worked and what has not worked for you in your 8 years of marriage. May I suggest that the dialog begin with you, about you, before you consider having this conversation with your partner. In essence she has given you the gift of redirecting yourself back to you; which will allow you to sift through the contrast. Focus upon you and how you have used your relationship as your greatest excuse to either remain connected or disconnected from yourself. I know that it is almost impossible for you to believe in this moment, however the opportunity that you have now is so much more about you and your relationship with yourself than it is about your impending divorce. Sometimes a problem is a wonderful and most unexpected life changing opportunity and this could be yours.