The Marriage Is Over

How do I stop blaming myself for the end of my marriage

Lets do the math. I would give myself one minute for everyday that I was in my marriage to blame myself, hate myself, berate myself. So if you have been married 20 years that comes out to about 7,300 minutes or 121.66 hours. This should give you a sufficient amount of time to go over and over and over all of the patterns that you can identify during the 20 years you spent together, what you could have or should have,did or did not do. Anything after that I would begin to ask myself with loving curiosity, if I am using blame of myself and my partner as a way of holding myself hostage to the ending of something that I may even feel relieved is over. Often when one partner wants the divorce and the other wants to keep working on the marriage, we may allow feelings of self doubt about ourselves to creep in even though we know with every fiber of our being that we could not have done anything more to save the relationship. I would like to encourage you to stop arguing for your limitations and begin to place your attention on what you are now wanting to create for yourself. Use all of your contrast from your time spent with your marital partner to provide the clarity that you will now have access to. Clarity is always the jumping off point  for creating our desires for ourselves. Set yourself free to move along and fly birdie fly.