What Should I Do?

We are empty nesters and my husband does not talk with me. He talks at me and sometimes to me but this is mostly happening when his head is buried in the newspaper, or when he is on his computer or surfing through emails and text messages on his phone. I have suggested to him we turn our phones off during the dinner hour and spend a few minutes connecting with each other. He half heartedly agrees and when our dinner hour comes I make a point of turning my phone off and he does not. I feel really stupid! I am not his mother. If this man, my husband of 19 years is not interested in connecting with me than maybe I should begin rethinking the next part of my life without him. What should I do?

O.K. this may sound a little crazy but, your husband may not even be aware of the fact that the two of you are having a problem or should I say that you are having a problem with him. If you are empty nesters then may I assume that you have children that have either left your home to go to college or have moved out to be on their own. Is it possible that when you were involved with the day to day of your life, when your children were still at home, that this was normal behavior for your husband and yourself? Was it that your attention was diverted so you did not notice or care much about your lack of conversation with your husband then?. All I am saying is that you may now want to consciously change the existing tone of your relationship with your husband and having a direct conversation with him about it would be an excellent idea. However, first I would like to see you explore for yourself what you are looking for in terms of a connection with your husband. Would you like to simply engage in more conversation or maybe begin an activity together that will get the two of you out of the house on a regular basis. Whatever you are envisioning for the two of you, make sure that you are crystal clear about it and that your thoughts and feelings are in harmony with each other around your desires for what you are wanting to co create. What I see happening quite often is that we tend to live our lives based upon assumptions instead of clear and loving communication with one another. Become clear for yourself first and then engage your husband in a loving conversation about your future together.