I consider myself a serial monogamist. I go from relationship to relationship and how I feel about myself comes from how my relationship is going on any particular day. I have not been able to find my own sense of self outside the confines of a committed relationship. What’s a girl to do?
From your question I assume that the pattern that you have identified about yourself is proving to be less than satisfactory. What you have successfully accomplished, up to now, is avoiding the golden opportunity to address yourself. When we use our interpersonal relationships as our means of navigating our thoughts and feelings we are in essence creating a big gap between ourselves and our inner-being. We actually come to resent the very person that we are having a relationship with. We consciously or unconsciously can feel that it is all on their terms. You have positioned yourself as a prisoner of sorts to your significant other’s moods, thoughts and feelings about the relationship and how it reflects upon you as a whole. It is never about being in a relationship with another and it is always about creating and recreating a loving connected relationship with yourself. May I suggest that every moment you find yourself looking outside of yourself for how you are feeling, you shift your focus to your inner being. Ask yourself how you are feeling, not based upon another but how are YOU actually feeling in this moment? This will become the most important ongoing question that you will ask yourself from this day forward. Be still and listen for the answer. In time you will become reacquainted with the sound of your inner-being, inner-knowing. You will begin to trust your own inner navigation that is on call and available to you 24/7- 365. Your ongoing loving relationship with yourself will indeed accentuate every other relationship that you will ever go on to have.