We just had our first child. I have been thinking about how I was raised with so much disapproval by both of my parents as their way of controlling me. I would like my husband and I to do things completely different. Ideally I would like to never use the word NO with our son. Do you have any suggestions how we can go about this?
Yes, I do and the beauty of having your own child is that you can now decide how you would like to raise him. I have always conveyed to my children that a parents greatest wish for their children is that they go on to do everything better. Here is your chance. These are my suggestions for not saying NO, to your child ever. When you observe your child doing something that you believe is dangerous or harmful and you are wanting his attention simply call his name and distract him from what he is doing. All you are doing is creating a necessary distraction without saying NO. When he becomes a toddler and you are wanting him to become aware of his actions simply call his name and ask him what he is doing, not in a reprimanding way but with loving curiosity. This question allows your child to stop momentarily and consider what he is doing. You are now coaching your child to look inward instead of outside of himself for approval and you have not used the word NO. If your child is wanting to do something that is not acceptable to you then simply in the most loving way suggest that he do something else instead. Our tone never needs to be disapproving and we can always ask our children at any age what they are doing and how they are feeling about what they are doing without ever using the word NO. Your child will discover this word as he is identifying all kinds of preferences for himself but the word NO will only be a way of communicating a desire and will not hold any feelings of disapproval. This is a wonderful way to consciously raise your child by coaching him inward as he maintains his magnificent loving connection with himself and with all others.